16 April 2009

Mykonos Greek Restaurant

To be on the safe side, the Brains thought she’d ring Mykonos to book a suitable table for the Bloggers. The friendly waiter told her that 8.00pm would be fine, and confirmed that he would put a table aside, close to the footpath, with plenty of space for Stinky’s pram.

At 7.45, the Bloggers quickly popped into the Beaufort Street Merchant, picked up 4 bottles of their new favourite cheap Chardonnay and a 6 pack of beers, and set off across the road to enjoy a whole lot of meat, a shitload of chips and something, anything, with garlic sauce. We were very much looking forward to Greek grilled meat feast.

On arrival it was clear that no table had been put aside. Interestingly our names were on their booking sheet, but there were just no tables available. So, our Greek waitress (cleverly disguised as a Japanese backpacker) directed us to the shitty mezzanine floor that’s decorated like a State prison and furnished like a 1960s bus port.

And, alone, from our lofty position high above the humming crowd at Mykonos, we waited. And continued to wait. And for 15 minutes we received none of the following:

1. service

2. wine cooler

3. bottle opener

4. cutlery

5. wine glasses

6. menus

So, we walked downstairs and fetched another Greek waitress, this one in ingeniously disguised as a Chinese English student, and asked her to help us out with the 5 items listed above, as all we had so far were 3 tumblers. After a couple more trips downstairs, and another 15 minutes, we procured ourselves 4 mismatched wine glasses and some menus. The menus were interesting, a half a page of the menu was dedicated entirely to setting out the strict terms and conditions attached to ordering, eating, paying, drinking, etc - like we were entering into some sort of Deed of Eternal Disappointment.

Items 1 to 4 never arrived, leaving the Deliberator and the Sponge to crack open their beers using the side of the chipboard table we were sitting at, and Bito and the Brains drinking wine that was positively sweating.

After reviewing the terms and conditions on the menu, we ordered the trusty tasting plate for entrée, with a large portion of calamari. The pickled octopus on the platter (a team favourite) wasn’t bad, and the dips were fine and the calamari was crispy and fresh. Everything else was a greasy, cold, oily mess. There was also a lot of garnish dressed up as salad on the plate, which was largely inedible and a giant waste of space.

When our mains arrived, we hadn’t finished the platter, so the Sino-Hellenic waitress simply popped our mains ON TOP of our platter and entrée plates. This was quite stunning, and something we’ve never seen before.

It’s hard for us to discuss the mains themselves as they were completely and utterly inedible – and generally, we eat anything. We each left meat on the plate, and plenty of it. This has never ever happened before to the Deliberator and the Sponge. But really, the food was foul. The meat could have been used as a shotput, the spices were completely wrong, the fish was ok, but only just, and the sauces lacked any flavour whatsoever. All in all, it was unbelievably, horribly bad. Which was very strange considering we’d all had very passable kebabs from Mykonos in the past.

We eventually went downstairs to pay the bill. By now, we were unhappy, spiteful and really really pissed off. And to just really hammer home the general shithouse nature of the night, we were charged double the corkage for the privilege of us getting our own wine glasses, and having our wine left sweltering in its paper bags on the table all night. Mykonos, if you’re reading this, you are by far and away the worst restaurant we’ve reviewed on Beaufort Street for service, produce and cooking. At least the Peking Chinese Restaurant had the Chinese Dragon counter.

In summary:

Service: We had a waitress come up twice in 2 hours – once to deliver the entrée, and once to deliver the mains. We were otherwise completely left to our own devices.

Food: So bad its outrageous. And what’s with all the good reviews on eatingwa.com?

Ambience: While the mezzanine floor is awful, the rest of the restaurant has a cheerful, casual Greek-restaurant style ambience.

Highlight: The new curse-words we invented to describe the food. And the calamari wasn’t bad.

Lowlight: Everything else.

Rating: half a lamb kofta (although only beef kofta is available at Mykonos) out of 5.

Will we be back? Sadly, we probably will end up buying more kebabs from Mykonos. But we’ve promised each other to try our best not to.

Details: It’s not even that cheap – about $40 a head for crap. We won’t bother you with a phone number, as we strongly suggest you don’t go. Oh, and it is also worth mentioning that the owner has appeared in the local rag a few times over the last few weeks for allegedly not letting a guide dog in the premises.

Mykonos Kebabs on Urbanspoon


Rachel said...

Wow, sounds like a comedy of errors. (and good to see you all back and posting)

For what it is worth, very many reviewers on eatingwa have no clue at all.A lot of the reviewers seem to like the generic and overcooked side of the Perth restaurant market.

BTW I have no idea how it is that I can possibly not know who at least *some* of you are.

There cannot be THAT many lawyers in North Perth damnit.

Roshy said...

Wow, I was just admiring the menu today and sharing it with my friends, considering it for something down the track.

Thanks for saving me the time and embarassment!

David T said...

Hehe, I'll steer clear of Mykonos. Even though I like kebabs.

One suggestion: perhaps you could post photos of the restaurants along with the review. Or perhaps a link to google streetview. It would help my memory when I'm looking for places to eat (or avoid).

Baysie Brian said...

Here, here!

Fabulous review. :)

I've dined at Mykonos twice, and each time I've been disappointed. I've never understood why its so busy. The service is bad and the food very average.

Obviously rates more highly with the drunkards staggering across the road from the Queens...

The Desp. said...

I mean really, who dines in at Mykonos? I say you've only got yourselves to blame. You should have had 6 or more pints at the queens, then got a kebab. The true Mykonos experience!!

CY said...

We just get the kebabs and take them home and eat them half soggy becuz it's even that bad to sit in their "take away" section. I knew they had the place up for sale last year so it's obviously changed management.

Joel said...

This places used to be great but it has gone downhill big time!

I used to be a regular but don't risk it anymore.

Andrew B said...

great review and kind of agree with the previous comments about it being a haven for semi-edible kebabs.

pls continue to roast 'em as you find 'em.

Dave said...

I ate there a couple of times a few years ago.

The service was ok then, the entrees and dips pretty good, but the mains a pile of tasteless stodge.

I've never eaten anything as boring as their moussaka anywhere else ever.

David Cohen said...

Don't tell me your paid for the corkage??

Anonymous said...

At least you avoided food poisoning.

I'm with Mr Cohen, service and food that bad deserves not paying corkage at least - if not the whole bill.

I'm looking at the website now... and I have never paid attention to this place. I guess that will continue for some time to come.

Chunkee said...

If you go anywhere on the basis of a rcommendation from the peasants that post reviews on eatingwa, you are out of your cotton-pickin' mind. They dress up in furs and pearls to go to Sizzler. Seriously. You'd get better advice from those silly pretentious girls who "write" "reviews" for that awful dining out in Perth magazine that I've forgotten the name of.

Anonymous said...

I also booked a table for a friday's lunch (week or so before christmas) at Mykonos and when we turned up there were no tables and our name wasn't even on the list. So we were shown upstairs next to an office party where we couldn't hear each other talk. the food was expensive and not even that good.

Anonymous said...

hahaha I do love reading your reviews. I think this one is spot on! For the 2 years I lived in Mt Lawley Mykonos was only good for chips and falafel dinners!

Robert said...

Wooow! So bad it almost seems like a fun experience. Almost.

I hope you each left a review at EatingWA too.

Anonymous said...

hey slacker when are you guys going to do another write up?? been hanging out for one.. love ur work.

Dave said...

Awesome. Hey while we're on the topic of Mykonos you should check this story out - http://www.news.com.au/perthnow/comments/0,21590,25244058-2761,00.html

in particular the final few comments posted by "digusted", "I don't buy it", "skeptical" and "get it right".
I have a sneaking suspicion all four of those comments were posted by someone directly involved with the restaurant.

Beaufort Street Bloggers said...

Hi everyone, apologies for our silence. We were slightly hurt from our experience at Mykonos and have not been in much of a rush to continue our challenge. Nevertheless, we're back onto it now.

Rachel - absolutely, there's something about generic restaurants that attract Perth punters - Sienas being a perfect example.

Roshy - that's what we're here for. We hope you took your friends to the Merchant instead.

David T - thanks for the suggestion re street view, but not one of the Bloggers has the technical skills to pull that off. And as for photos, we intend to bring a camera every time we go out, and then forget every time we go out.

Baysie Brian - thanks for your comment. We suspect Mykonos survives solely off drunk and hungry Queens patrons. Surely a sober person wouldn't go back twice.

The Desp. - point taken, but we did make a committment to dine in where possible - it gives us much more fodder for our reviews.

CY - we suggest you head up to Istanbul Kitchen in Fitzgerald Street next time you get a takeaway kebab urge.

Joel - very good decision.

Andrew B - thanks for your comment, another roasting just posted.

Dave - we think Moussaka is pretty boring even when done well. We can't imagine how badly Mykonos could fuck it up.

David Cohen - we did pay for corkage (one only), but I think we've more than made up for that fact by writing this post. It's been most sastisfactory.

Anonymous - as above.

Chunkee - what magazine? How do we get a job there?

Anonymous - that mezzanine floor has to be one of the worst dining areas in Perth. We can't imagine it would suit any group or function.

Anonymous - we confirm that Mykonos is now not even good for chips and falafel dinners.

Robert - we have not left a review yet, but it's something we must get onto.

Dave - thanks for the link. The whole guide dog business is interesting. But, regardless of whether or not he denied the dog entry, he has no excuse for serving up rubbish food at outrageous prices.

"Grendel" said...

Not letting the guide dog in would be a the death knell for me - I think the real reason he wouldn't want a dog in the place is that being a guide dog it would likely drag its person out of the restaurant - away from danger!

chickwithguts said...

have to agree with your review - that restaurant is just shitty mcshit shit. Forgive my eloquence, but it's the best way for me to express my feelings!!!

Anonymous said...

The folks that used to run Mykonos several years back now run Mez on James Street, which has some pretty great lamb kleftiko, and their aioli is also gooood.

We've also had kebabs from Mez as a take away item (I don't think it's even on a menu) which, even when sober, far outranks most other kebab experiences I've ever had.

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Cash said...

Just visited this place the other night and it was as lame as your review of 2 years ago would have one expect. The waitresses were nice, but we got very little communication about our food, which came out super-duper late. And when one of our guests went to ask about the wait, the manager told her it was our own fault for booking such a large party and that we were warned there would be delays (no, we weren't). When the food finally arrived, it was hard to imagine it not having spent the 2 hour wait sitting on a shelf getting cold, waiting to be re-heated.

It was a bit disappointing. Had really high hopes for the evening, as I'd had an okay experience the previous 2 times I'd been there. This was the first bad one, but considering it was the dude in charge who was rude to our party, I don't have high hopes for a good experience next time.

Might go again. Would not go again for a long time++.